I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
