you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
