Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
