I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
