my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
