can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
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