"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
