I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
