He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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