There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
