I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
