Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
