wakey wakey hands off snakey
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
