Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
