peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
