Christians are straight up FREAKS
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
