You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
