Ketchup is God's man juice
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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