the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Couch. On fire.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
