About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize