Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
