Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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