Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
