so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
