how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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