well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Then you guys just all showered together...?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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