whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
