but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
