she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
he was CRYING into my vagina
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
