I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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