Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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