Is it normal to miss your booty call?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
my liver is dry heaving
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
