Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
