Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i dont even know how to be here
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
