you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize