i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
