the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Randomize
