i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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