Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
