My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
