drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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