Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
