It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize