He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
