at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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