Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
