So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
