I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
