okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
