How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
