My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
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