his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
