I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Also, beer. Big fan.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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