bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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