We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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