I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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