I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize