Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
