I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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