there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
i out mim tonsoeep
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