dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I need moral support for this bender
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize