I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
